​DEAR LADIES, HOW DO YOU MANAGE THE “I MISS YOU” CALL FROM YOUR EX?

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Rachael Ogunmuyiwa
Have you ever been in a situation whereby your ex-boyfriend reaches out to tell you, I miss you? This is it: you both are fine, at least so it seems. No noticeable display of anger or it may be that you both have outgrown the brokenness but once in a while, one party makes the I-miss-you call. Well, it is not a crime to miss someone you have both spent time together especially if the memories never go. Unfortunately, what happens when he makes this call can be any of the following but not totally inclusive:

He is bored.

He just wants to talk.

He just wants to check on you. Maybe it is just a mere curiosity about what your life has been. Do not forget that not everyone who checks on you cares. Some are just curious.

He wants to clear the air and apologize.

First, the called party who is probably yet to overcome the separation may think love is still between them. As a result, sees it as an opportunity to give it a try. Even if it is no longer secret that there is someone else in the equation, there is always this thinking that goes on in the head of the called party.

“Maybe he does not even like that girl.

“Maybe they are not even together anymore. It has even been long he posted her picture on social media….”  Shady thoughts as these go on in the mind. And in some tricky way, it leads blindly into thinking kissing someone who left them broken, letting him suddenly have access to their body are necessary to win it all back. And what happens if after that day, you find him posting the picture of BAE on his status? Brokenness becomes anger; you think him worse than before, you call him cheat?

While I do not want to agree that we all have the tendency to cheat on the ones we love, I think however that once in a while, we get dragged back to the roads we have taken.

Second, it may just be that the party who called just wants an opportunity to see you and talk, nothing more.  His motivations may be sincere but when you appear before his door and the memories of yesterdays flush back; he wants to get close, just a little touch and since you were willing and yielding, it does the way not to be taken.

Dear lady, when ex-boyfriend call that he misses you especially when he is with someone else, you have to think with your head and not your heart. Do not jump on bus and head to his apartment thinking that it is a hearty call to service. It is fine if an ex misses you, what you need to understand is that it does not mean he still loves you.

When you receive such call and you agree to meet him, do not go to his apartment or one private location. Meet with him in public. There is no crime in meeting him at his apartment but beware of situations unplanned for. Remember, his motivation may be sincere but what if it goes wrong?

This is what Monisola shared: I had to meet my ex at his place. The first time, I didn’t handle it well. The call was totally strange to me; I didn’t even see it coming but when it did, I thought maybe they are having issues and it was high time I used the opportunity then. But after what happened that night, I returned home to view his status and there it is again, he posted the picture of his queen. I was enraged but I forgave him easily because I was not so bitter about the break-up in the first place.

The second call came like three months after. I miss you, will you come to my place in the evening and if it gets too late, you can stay over. I agreed to see him but I told him I would not stay for the night.  This time, things played out differently, I was open with him; free. I was however at alert throughout.  I refused to let him kiss or roam my body. In fact, I intentionally concentrated on talking about his gf. I gave him a sense of responsibility to the one he now calls my queen.

I owe the new girlfriend nothing but I did it all because it dawned on me that missing me is not the same as still loving me. It does not mean he still wants me back. It may just be some memorial disturbances and I have to help him manage it well. I missed him too, he kept asking if I missed him too but I refused to say anything that corroborates whatever his feeling is neither did I contradict it. All I did was to subtly place his girlfriend at the centre of most of the conversation.

Also, before you let them do anything funny with you, ask them about their relationship. Make them feel guilty if they begin to act funny. The first time I received the “I miss you call”, I asked him, “Why are you doing this? Don’t you respect HER?” Mind you, BEWARE of all lies or stories that touch the heart. Well, he told me he does not want to talk about it yet but he would later. He said we would be seeing constantly and in my mind, I thought maybe they were out. But remember I told you that when I got home, this ladies picture was on his status. Well, they might truly have had issue and perhaps had sorted it out after I left but believe me, it was a great lesson.

Do not forget that I miss you is not the same as I love you. Whether they are now seeing someone else or not, do not jump at I miss you calls as an opportunity to reconcile. Even if obviously, the coast is clear for you, do not misunderstand their intention. Give it all time to know if the love is really true. Be sure that your ex still needs you or he is just struggling with moving on. It may leave you broken more than you had been.

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