THE ATTENTION PILL

Racheal Ogunmuyiwa

Every relationship requires attention. Everyone needs consistent attention from his or her lover. It is the red and yellow pill which keeps relationships alive. Neglecting our lovers is the first route to losing them.

Meanwhile, this is not about the tendency to cheat. Hence, a woman may claim not to love a man but with constant attention from the man, she is in love before she knows it. There is just one easy way to win the heart of a woman. Forget about the money; forget about bouquet of roses and other gifts. Give her daily doses of attention pills. If there is one mistake men make, it is that they forget to do the things they usually do in the wooing process. Is it that we get too busy to find time to give the ones we love attention or we just don’t realise the importance of doing so? I have been opportune to listen to many ladies complain about their relationship. It is quite painful that such complaints when not checked signals the gradual death of the relationship.

Ranti, a make-up artist says, It’s this simple, baby I’m all his as long as he gives me the attention. When it is no longer served, I will complain but if it persists, I will bow out. I love effective relationships. I used the effective relationship because it is not just about chatting and calling each other every day. It is more of talking about what is happening in the life of the other. The calls gradually reduced from hours to minutes and minutes to seconds, my messages were not responded to even when he is online, whenever I even attempt to call him; he was usually eager to end it. Most times, he would say, “Babe let me call you back” but he never did. I complained, gave a piece of my mind at every opportunity. This was a guy I put in so much effort to love in return; he was a man whom I told from the start that the only way to lose me was to stop giving me attention. So what? I stopped complaining. And maybe it was not the best thing to do but I just didn’t want the love shared to get lost through every complaint. I cried whenever I pour my heart out to someone. I didn’t want to cry over him and I stopped complaining. So, I buried my head in reading, writing and watching movies; as I got busy doing those things, he was being pushed to the background. I no longer cared that he did not call or bother that we have not chatted…our relationship was suffering.
I knew what was happening, it hurts me knowing he no longer occupied my mind but it is simply what happens when we don’t give the ones we love attention. It is the same with the men. The men also need attention. A friend had lost her boyfriend to another lady. She literarily left him alone in the relationship. She does not call him as he does; she was too busy to hang out with him whenever he calls at his hostel. He kept coming, he kept trying but another woman who needs a caring guy was giving him attention.

Dear lover, don’t overlook the need for constant attention. Serve it to your partner no matter how busy you get just like nature supplies the air we breathe. It is the magnet that keeps the attraction close even if it is a relationship across miles. The question is: If while you are close, you don’t have effective communication, how would your relationship thrive if a situation arose and you were unable to reach other for weeks? If there are no memories to relive, how do we miss someone?
Attention + attention = AFFECTION. You want him or her to stay? Let the attention flow.

However, choking someone is not the same as attention. While trying to call almost every hour may seem unreal but it is not far from what chocking someone represents. In as much as your partner needs attention, do not chock him or her with it. Don’t deny them of their individuality. Compromise is expected but do not expect your partner to give up everything about them for you.

DON’T BECOME A MONITORING SPIRIT.

This is the danger with being in a relationship with someone insecure. When you are not secure in yourself, your relationship is likely to suffer. What you do is always doting on every of your partner’s move to the point of checking their contacts, messages and chats. Your fiancé tells you he wants to meet up with his friends yet you were calling him every hour and trying to get his attention on chats. Why not get busy till he returns?

DON’T VISIT WITHOUT CONSENT.

This is quite delicate but the way out is to understand the nature of your partner. As an individual, I hate it when friends knock at my door without prior notice. The reason is I am introvert; I love to spend time with myself. I can even enjoy myself alone in a crowd without saying anything to anyone. If your partner is someone like me, you need to respect his or her nature. What happens if you show up at their place without notification? Well, they would have no choice than to let you in but you are going to make them get bored with you. That is what happens when someone suddenly has to have a conversation unprepared for.

DON’T LOOK UP TO THEM FOR HAPPINESS.

Get it straight: it is your own duty to be happy. It is not your partner’s. Even their love and affection are not all it takes. When you begin to see your partner as the passport to your happiness, what happens when the relationship ends? When you cannot differentiate your personal happiness from the joy the relationship brings, you will chock your partner. At every turn of disappointment, worry over a work or project, a friend’s wrongdoing and so on, you will expect them to be there always. You will expect them to even be there to cure you of boredom. You are jobless and bored at home and you expect him to come online and chat with you, when he is probably busy. This is what you get if I were your partner.
…SMS notification…
Babe: Honey, I am just bored at home and sad. Can we chat?
Me: Go to my room, check the first drawer.
Babe: really? Is there a surprise for me?
Me: Yes, dear. You will find the books to keep you busy and happy.

Respect the space of the ones you love. Relationship is not a slave island, don’t restrict their movement; don’t make them shut out their friends and families. Stay away from their mobile phones; do not pry into their chats or mails; to love others means to still give them the chance to be themselves. Why not get busy building your own vision and helping them grow theirs as well? In that, there is greater happiness.