“Dear Wakandites, I am very humble and simple; gentle and humane; kind and generous –I am a servant leader, a man of the people who understand your sufferings and your plights. I listen to reason with you, sirs and ma’ams as you’re not conversing with the deaf. Speak up! Don’t feel intimidated, feel free to talk. We are Wakandites, we are one. ”

Seated, calm and straining his ears to hear what the new Wakandites were asking him after ending his statement, Mr. President is seen as an epitome of virtue.

” I am very grateful for the opportunity given to ask this question that is battling my heart since I have been admitted here, the Faculty of Wakanda. I’m sorry to ask you, Mr. President this, how many fingers do you have?”

Silence descended heavily in the Wakanda Quandrangle as everyone was perplexed, longing to be relieved from the suspense employed by the new Wakandite.

“I have 10 fingers”

“Are they the same?”


“Thank you, Mr. President. I cannot count the amount I have spent in this school since I have been admitted— from Acceptance fees, school fees, Hall dues, Department dues to Satallite to Freshers fees. In fact, if I calculated it, it should be very close to #100, 000 (One hundred thousand naira). I know the situation of my parent after paying for this, (I have to say this) they have become phantom skeletons as I’m not the only child they are catering for. So, it was very shocking and dreadful when I still saw the breakdowns of the dues to pay for this association, aside the Garage dues which authorities say it is only compulsory, I saw Party, Sittings and ID card compulsory. Sir, do you want my parent to die of hunger? ”

” My dear Wakandite, I understand your plights, I’ve been in this situation too during my freshman year when I was admitted here. My admission into this school collided with the time of my sister’s wedding in Abba and my brother (who has taken up the position of a father for me) could not help but provide her necessary wedding materials, as she is married to a Governor’s son. So we had to dress the part—, dress gorgeously and richly, so my brother spent millions of naira on the wedding gown, the caterpillar that convey us to the hotel and lots. So, my point is, I came from the slum and it was hard for me to pay my dues too. However, I could not tell anyone this sad tale so I went to do “bricklaying” to get all my dues paid… from Garage dues—Party— Sittings—Toilet to DSTV dues. Somebody shout hallelujah! ”

” Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ”

From behind, Wakandites were seen humming and jeering. The Oloriebi of the FLC (Famous Liers Council), who just being awarded The Most Powerful Wakandites rose up to buttress the President’s statement.

” Greatest Wakandites! ”

” Great”

“Mr. President has said it all. If you listened to him attentively he said the most compulsory due is the Garage due. But note, other dues are compulsory but not as that of the Garage Dues. Don’t get confused by the Press release stating that I said Party and ID card should not be made compulsory. Who told you Press didn’t lie against me? Honourable Remi is here, The Potential Investigative Chairman (this man who was involved in the past administration scandal. You remember Jijadu and the whole souvenirs issue?).

“He was there when they interviewed me, I didn’t say anything of such but they wanted to create confusion, they wanted to discourage you from getting the best ID card in the whole world (Electronic ID card which you can use to withdraw money from your bank and which you can even present to SARS when they accuse you of yahoo-ing. In fact, had Naira Marley got Wakandite ID card, who knows if EFCC would have had the gut to accuse him of saṣheing?). Our Party is the best among the Faculties in the whole of University of Intolerance (UI). Despite Jijadu carted away our money, we had a very glamorous dinner last year. Forget your religion does not allow it; we’ve churchy party goers as we make them stay away from oloshos and slay mamas. We shall prevent you from these sinful acts, as we have a separate place for them.”

The congress ended.


Everywhere was calm as Saraki, Oloriebi, entered the Parliament.

“This is very ridiculous and embarrassing, Oloriebi. ” The Most Intelligent Honorables from Iwe Iroyin Department, Madam Ngodi, who cannot distinguish Opinion article from Editorial said:

” Oloriebi, though some people may say I’m an attention seeker because I lost Deputy Speakership to Gbajabiamila from Church Department– the man who won me in landslide, I will continue to say the truth. Who do we have in the Press now? Those who lack intellectualism? Have you forgotten one of them who couldn’t speak English like those Oyinbos? ”

She looked back where the pressmen sat and started lecturing them on how to write an article and a news story.

” Please, Pressmen, listen attentively, I am an expert in journalism and I have won many awards in that field, though fate brought me here, as I want to save my Constituency from this executhieves. I understand the nitty-gritty of journalism for it is my profession.

Very serious and shouts at the top of her voice, she continued her narration.

“Sorry to say this, you lack creativity and you’re very poor in grammar usage. Please, improve on that. It is so sad there is no one from my department in your Press, I’m very sure the narrative would have changed. That’s the problem we’ve in Nigeria, we’re not practicing Technocracy. It is only those who study Iwe Iroyin that should be given access to journalism since they are experts, it is those who study Political Science that should be in Politics, it is those who study Economics that should be doing business. But our leaders are very shallow minded: the root of our underdevelopment. ”

Someone interrupted her and shouted rashly.

” Waṣere, ìyáláyawọn, gbebodi won kuronílẹ̀ johr. Teach them what they don’t know. Those fools who call themselves Press.

The sittings ended.





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