CAPTAIN VAR SWOOPS IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO DELIVER TOTTENHAM

By Justin Ehiogu

Sir VAR reminded all Premier League football fans that chivalry isn’t dead as he makes last-minute swoop to deliver Lady Tottenham from the jaws of Manchester City.

Manchester City sallied and harried. They huffed and puffed, battled and fought. From the very first minute they looked like they were powered by inexhaustible batteries. It looked like City’s game was on fast forward. Yet even in that speed their skill was evident. Their passes went through; one-twos were completed; dribbles were made. De Bruyne still looks like a god of passing; Benardo Silva was stellar. Manchester City’s strikers chased the Tottenham defenders as though they were the defenders, and the Tottenham defenders, the strikers. It looked as though it was the last game of the season, and Manchester City needed nothing short of a win to secure a hat-trick of Premier League trophies; but it was only the second game. With the way City play and press it’s no surprise that they’re favourites to win the Premier League once more.

Yet great credit must go to Tottenham. Despite all this they endured; they stood strong, and they parried City’s blows. Twice they went behind; twice they came back up. Kane and Eriksen might have as well been auditioning for The Invisible Man, yet Erik Lamela and the wonder man Lucas Moura more than made up for it. They were harassed and hassled, yet they stood.

But as the game drew to a close, with 2-2 the scoreline, City became hungrier for the win, and their attacks, if it were possible, became even more hurried and insistent. City’s half dried up of Tottenham players, as they all withdrew to defend their beseiged goal. Though Tottenham had fought brilliantly and superbly, there was always the sense of an inevitable late City goal. And it came. Gabriel Jesus, introduced in the second half at the expense of Aguero, brought down a right-wing cross in the Tottenham box, and fired home, accompanied by cheers from the Manchester City fans. The Brazilian striker and his teammates, satiated, ran off and celebrated; Pep Guardiola and Aguero, who was earlier enraged by (what he thought to be) his untimely substitution, hugged and made up. It was over. The battle had been won. The dragon had devoured the poor damsel-in-distress.

Enter VAR.

Classics, Theatre Arts and English students – or any other group of students engaged or interested in the dramatic arts – should be familiar with the deus ex machina: god on a machine, the hero or heroic event that comes in at the end to resolve the crisis and save the defenceless. In this case it was the Video Assistant Referee, finally introduced to the Premier League this new season, albeit accompanied by huge controversy.

The cross that led to the goal was adjudged to have touched a Manchester City player’s hand before dropping to Gabriel Jesus. No one else in the stadium saw or could have seen it. Only VAR. Sir VAR the Great. Sir VAR the hero. The game was brought to an end, and the Tottenham players, tired but relieved, walked towards the tunnels in gratitude. They had almost been devoured, but Captain AmeriVAR was at hand. And he will be for the rest of the season.