(Are our classes virtual? Or physical?)

Eniola Awolesi

Don’t look at me like that. Stop! I don’t like it. Okay, okay, fine. I know I promised to tell you the budget, but there are other pressing issues. C’mon, is it not this same You High that we’re in? Is it not the same choking that we’re choking? Is it not the same sapa that keeps visiting? Is it not the same stress that we’re stressing?

Omo! It’s deep o. Right? Right. Besides, didn’t I ask you to guess? Did you? Answer me, did you? Ehn ehn, shift your guilty something away from my side. Most importantly, AFAS made me sign a non-disclosure agreement. Don’t disturb me, I’ll tell you only if you’re nice.

You laughed, right? I’m glad you did. The past weeks have been hectic, and ‘hecticism’ doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. It is You High after all, and the bothersome menace is here again. For some, it’s a haven of noisome pestilence, a cacophony of chatters, some students and their scurfy sentient—I know pass my neighbor, my data don finish. Yeah, I know. Me, too.

Before You High (you know I mean UI, right?) waddled along, some things were so far from my thoughts that I couldn’t even bring them a tad close to my imagination. Yet, here is virtual class staring me—us—in the eyes. Again. Hard guy, hard guy, still there is panick when network starts to dance tango.

Just like how you don’t know what you’re supposed to do when people sing ‘happy birthday’, except the nervous laugh and that the-cat-that-stole-the-milk smile, the reality of virtual classes is an oblivious orbit of awe that has flung one into a bottomless pit. One doesn’t know why, or how, or where or which way one is to handle it. Or if we’re to be handling it at all, and that is absurd. Preposterous. Absolutely bonkers.

Now, it has also taken up physicality to add to the list of painful memories. Two opposites working together and attracting. I hope they repel. Wo, what me I’ll sha say is, start being civilized and stop shaming our dear You High with filthy words. She’s the first and best. Help her keep her reputation. You just might me rewarded.

I’m joking, be calming down. Now, go and /mju:t/ your mic. Properly this time. You’ll be fine. Omo, motivational speakers must feel so fulfilled after delivering their lines.

How far? Class dey? LLT or zoom?

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