AMAZING FACTS TO MAKE YOU CACKLE…HEHEHE!

By Eniola Khadijat Awolesi

Hulla! That’s hello in German. Or at least, that’s what a European Studies (German) student told me. If that’s not it, we might have to send them to the Faculty of Shoe Making. We won’t have them ruin our reputation. blows off imaginary dust from shoulders

So, amazing facts have existed for a long time now. Remember when they told you you can’t touch your elbow with your tongue unless you’re a cow? You’re not really a cow, it’s just a threat. But then, if you actually can do that, just avoid me, please.

Here are new ones. I don’t believe them myself. Perhaps, you might want to help my belief system a little. Or not; na money and love I dey find like this.

• Sweat doesn’t actually stink. Did you laugh? And you remembered that Zik brother that oozes stale qayblogfes? Good. Now continue reading. Any sweat you produce right after a shower doesn’t smell so bad. That’s because it is the bacteria breaking the sweat down that causes the odor. Also, the sweat on your arms or legs don’t smell as bad as the ògá pátápátá—armpit. This is because sweat glands in the armpits secrete more protein in a dark, damp environment—the perfect place and food for bacteria. The koko of the story: try dey always baff and open your armpit in the air. Thainz!

• Your liver can regrow itself in three weeks. Now, this is an information you need. Remember that January 1st post you made? The one that said, “2022 is a rich girl (or boy) and happy girl (or boy) year for me?” Yes, that one. You know we both know sapa is not dead, and University of First Choice is not making you happy. This is a solution. Sell your kidney, dear.
  The backstory is here for you to tell your children and grandchildren; according to Greek mythology, the titan, Prometheus, was punished by having an eagle eat his liver day after day. The liver would regrow at night, leaving Prometheus at the bird’s mercy.
  Doctors found years later that the liver can regrow in three weeks, not one day. But you can tell them yours grew in an hour. Just for effects.

• You can sneeze faster than a cheetah can run. Lol. Fastest animal in the murdddd!
  Clocking in at 100 mph, we can sneeze faster than cheetahs run. Unfortunately, we also expel about 100,000 germs when we sneeze. But that’s not the point. Because there are good bacteria. Well, not exactly, but you get my point.
  So next time anyone says cheetah is the fastest animal, just scoff and say, “dude, I can sneeze faster than that nigga.” That would mean you’re agreeing to being an animal, though. But again, that’s not the point.

• Cheetahs don’t/can’t roar. Lmaoorisirisi! Yes, that’s to further rub the fastest animal in thicker pòtòpótó. They have been hyped for too long.
  Cheetahs can’t roar, but they can purr, meow, hiss, bark, and growl. Yes, just like the domestic cats we keep. Blehhh!

• Pluto technically isn’t even a year old. Pluto is the farthest planet from the sun and this requires it to go a much farther distance than earth’s. It takes 248 earth-years for baby Pluto to complete one rotation of its own around the sun. This places Pluto’s first birthday in 2178, since its discovery.
  We all would probably be dead by then. That’s not the point. I don’t even care about Pluto’s age. I just want y’all to know that if you don’t see me after ASSU calls this strike off, I’m in Pluto. I also hear it rains diamonds there. What more could anyone ask for? Pluto, here I come. I come in peace. Pizzaut!