How to Prepare for a Class When you Have only Five Minutes

If you don’t think it’s possible, you’re only being pessimistic. Learn from the best and read on.

Now, I understand that there are some sleeps that can hit hard and press the right buttons. The sleep is usually dreamless and nothing on earth can wake you up. Except when you check the time and you have just five minutes. You jump out of bed and before you do all your robo-rebe, time is up.

Let me teach you what to do next time. Of course there will be a next time. Once you start, you can never stop.

When you have five whole minutes to prepare for a class,  you’re basically a genius. Just follow this step-by-step guide to help you make the most of this luxurious amount of time.

1. Take a deep breath and thank the universe for this generous gift of five minutes
Make sure you use exactly 1 minute for this. If not, you’ll ruin the entire process.

If you think this process is not necessary, you just have not heard of what Jesus did when He had only five loaves of bread and two fishes to feed 5000 people. He gave thanks first and He had leftovers. So what’s 5 minutes he cannot turn to 50 minutes?

2. Scroll through social media for 1 minute to see what you’re missing
Again, don’t take more than one minute. And don’t ask me why. What if the class has been cancelled? Or do you know if the venue has been changed and you can use that as an excuse? Im trying to help you here!

Anyway, you’re already late regardless, so don’t complain when I’m helping you use your time wisely.  Just follow me. This has been tested and proven.
I shouldn’t tell you the social media app to pick, but choose Instagram and Tiktok at your own risk. I won’t say more than that. 

3. Glance at your notes for 1 minute
Don’t forget the one-minute rule. It MUST not be exceeded. 
It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand anything you’re reading. Even if you don’t have a note, which I suspect is most likely the case, just find something to read.

There you are with questions again! Your five minutes is wasting. This reading is just to prepare you for if the lecturer suddenly decides to give a surprise test. While reading, learn a few big words to throw in so that even if you end up writing rubbish, at least you’d write it in good English.

Now you have only two minutes left.

4. Use one quick minute to change your clothes.
Abi you want to go to class with your boxers/bend-down-select nightgown? You shouldn’t let anyone know you have superpowers and you spent just five minutes preparing for class. Then, they’d know you didn’t enter the bathroom.

Don’t forget your deodorant and perfume. Knowing you, you may not have those to but use strong face to use your roommate’s own. If he/she says anything, don’t even answer. Remember you only have one minute to do these. Just strong your face like three days eba.

And for the final one minute, wait for it…

5. Disappear to class
Oh? I’m so sorry. Didn’t I mention at the begining that you have to be a witch, a wizard, or a practicing magician for these five points to work? No vex.

But you sef! What were you expecting? As you don’t have private jet, of course you’d have to do it the traditional way.

Anyway, even if you’re not diabolically inclined, you can still try your luck. Just close your eyes tightly and imagine yourself in class. You never know if the universe might just be on your side.

Whatever happens, just rest assured that you tried your best. If anything, you learnt time management and focused on one thing at a time, one minute each, for a total of five minutes. That’s something people take years to learn and you aced it in five minutes. That’s even more than what any lecturer can teach you. Another bright part of this is that you now smell nice.

Now go back to sleep and dream about the class, because that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do when you wake up with just five minutes to prepare for a class; you go back to sleep.