From Lectures to Lullabies: How New Mothers are Navigating University Life
Agnes Oyedokun
It’s a Monday morning in the University of Ibadan and *Mary prepares for a day to attend classes and probably get new deadlines to meet but unlike many of her classmates, her morning routine also includes changing diapers, singing lullabies and preparing a bath for her infant daughter. Mary is one out of the many new mothers who have to combine the stressful demands of motherhood with the sometimes exhausting university life which is a life that requires plenteous strength and determination.
For many student mothers, the day begins before dawn. *Jane describes her routine: “I wake up at 5 AM to feed my baby and prepare for my 8 AM class. It’s a constant juggling act.” The challenge of balancing academic commitments with the demands of a newborn is a common theme among these mothers. Despite the exhaustion, they find ways to manage both roles, often sacrificing their personal time and sleep.
Through the stories of two student mothers, we gain insight into the general lives of single mothers who embody the spirit of perseverance and dedication.
Mary, a student in the Faculty of Education, shares her journey: “Last session, we went home for the holiday on July 28th after TP, which I did here in UI. I got married in 2022. The new session started on August 21st, but I didn’t resume on time. When I got back to school in the first week of September, I felt funny with different symptoms and realized I was pregnant. The first trimester was very hard for me. Normally, I am very active, but I became gentle and calm. I was either sleeping in class or spacing out, unable to comprehend the lessons, but I made sure to attend all classes just to get familiar.
Exams started in the early stage of my second trimester, and I was so scared. I wondered how I would cope with reading because even in classes, I was always spacing out. But God came through for me. I read and slept, never overworking myself. We went home for the first semester holiday, and I fell sick and couldn’t resume the second semester on time. By the time I resumed, I was no longer vomiting, no longer stressed, and better overall. I participated in department activities. Before pregnancy, I would read after each class, but when I got pregnant, I couldn’t read until the exam period. Towards the end of the second semester, I couldn’t read at all; food and sleep were all I could manage.
Our exams finished on April 20th, and I gave birth on May 8th. Twelve days later, my department started teaching practice, and I couldn’t start with them. I began on May 28th when my baby was just 20 days old. The hardest part was when the principal of the school I was observing said I couldn’t bring my baby. It took a toll on me. The first time I left her with my mum, I felt like a bad mother and cried as soon as I got home. Over time, I adapted. Now, I have to wake up very early and sleep very late. Every morning, I bathe her, dress her up, attend to her needs, and do the same for myself, often getting late to class. Thankfully, no lecturer has stopped me from attending class with her.
My neighbours in Agbowo have been quite helpful. They take turns to carry her anytime I need to do something and she’s disturbing me. Also, my friends in school have been very helpful, they also help me carry her when we are in class. I don’t know about any university resource that is helpful to nursing mothers. Even the chairs we sit on are not comfortable.
My academic goals haven’t changed, though my CGPA dropped in 300L. I still want to graduate with flying colors. I don’t have exact coping strategies; I just take each day as it comes. I try to cross each bridge when I get there. My advice to married women is to consider delaying starting a family while in school if possible. If not, ensure you have a strong support system because it will definitely not be easy.”
Also, Jumaanah from the Faculty of Arts shares her experience, “Before I got married and had a child, I used to stay on campus, Idia hall precisely so, it was easier going for TDBs and organized tutorials on campus. However, after getting married, I could not stay on campus anymore and where I stay is quite far from school. So, I do miss out on TDB with my friends and organized tutorials.
My husband is my first support system. My mother, siblings and close friends are very supportive. I remember that we started exams a week after I had my child and my mum stayed with me during that time. It made it very easy for me. I just had to breastfeed my baby and she took care of the rest. So, she’d carry my baby and pet her while I read for my exams during the night. She’d take care of my baby at home while I wrote my exams in school. My sister staying in Ibadan would prepare varieties of food and send them to me. My siblings that are far away would call me and cheer me up. So, I had almost nothing to worry about then. They were very supportive.
It was after my mum left that the real struggle began. Waking up earlier, attending to my baby, attending to my husband, taking care of the home, having early morning classes. Atimes, I miss classes and sometimes, I run late for classes. Atimes, some lecturers will choose to embarrass me, even though my baby is not always cranky in class as long as she gets fed whenever she needs to be. So, to avoid embarrassment, I had to look for ways to manage the situation. On days when I have tests to write, I would call my mum over to help carry my baby so that I can focus in class.
She would then leave after I’m done with classes. On other days, my sister would send her house help to help me carry my baby while I attend classes. On days when they’re not available, I would carry her to classes with me if I see that the lecturer would not have a problem with it. Some days, I miss classes intentionally to avoid embarrassment. Getting focused on studies got quite difficult. It was a new phase of my life and I was trying as much as possible to adapt, but I started figuring it out as time passed by. My circle of friends has been awesome right from our 100 level days. I would be especially grateful to Zeenat Jamiu who serves as my academic saviour. She would hold tutorials for us and update us on classes.
I do remind myself that I made the choice without being forced and I do pray that Allah keeps making it easy for me.
My husband would advise me not to force things and I do take heed. If I don’t have enough strength to read or attend classes, I would just sleep and not go out- in as much as it does not affect me. Same applies to house chores, I don’t force it. So, after resting or after I wake, I do feel better. I would have enough strength to read and do other things, even if it’s at midnight. That way, I won’t be blaming my marriage or my child for not making me productive. Resting and sleeping seem to be my own therapy.
I do take my child to daycare on days when I need to be focused on particular things. So, I would manage my time such that I would be able to achieve most of my goals for the day before it’s time to pick her up from daycare.
When my child was younger, I could spend my day not being productive at all because I had to attend to her, but as she gets older, I find my way around it. I started engaging her in almost everything I do. If I need to read, I would give her a book she can tear and write in. She’s busy tearing books while I read my books and do my assignments. Same applies to house chores, I give her plates to hold while I wash and cook. I give her clothes to drag around while I wash. I give her a packer to hold while I sweep. It really works, honestly. We both derive joy in that. That way, I get to be productive, while she enjoys herself and does not bother to disturb me
Honestly, my academic goals and career aspirations have not changed since I became a mother. Being a mother is actually my muse for aiming higher. I felt very lost at first, but I am getting used to it now. My husband also makes it easier. He pushes me to aim higher and is always there to support my ambitions. I never stopped anything I had started after I got married and had my kid. I continued with my studies- both Islamic and western. I continued attending my fashion classes even after I had my child and I graduated from the fashion school. I started my own brand and I’m doing very well. So, having my child has not for once put a stop to my personal growth. I am going to admit that it’s not easy at all, honestly. I was just able to come up with some coping mechanisms.
Being a mother has not in any way hindered my personal growth. Being a mother is my own muse for aiming higher. After I became a mother, I had quite a lot of plans that I set and by Allah’s grace, I have been able to execute most. Although, I would admit that it requires a lot of effort and I am trying my best in putting that extra effort, because I would hate to find myself in a situation where I would have to blame my choice for being a wife and mother. So, I’m putting in a lot of work and I’ve been making waves.
I believe that being a mother and student is not a situation you can just find yourself in, instead, it is you who decided to walk into that situation yourself. This is the first mindset one should have. That way, one would be able to prepare one’s mind for the ups and downs. So, one needs to be more prayerful.
Also, being a mother alone is already a sign that you’d need to put in extra effort to achieve what other students achieve. You would not want to be a mother that would blame her own child for her own chosen failure. Know that you can achieve whatever your mates are achieving academically, just that the effort you have to put in has to be more than that of your mates. So, it is not a crime to be ambitious while being a mother. You have to keep growing personally.
Do not force things on yourself. Take it easy and try to figure out your own coping mechanisms. You’d definitely find one or more if you’re intentional about it. Also, don’t forget to be intentional about your circle of friends”
Balancing education and motherhood requires not only personal strength but also a reimagining of traditional student life and despite the emotional and physical strain, these mothers maintain their academic goals. Mary says that she still wants to graduate with flying colours.
Support networks play a crucial role in their journey. Jumaanah credits her success to her family and friends who assist with childcare and emotional support. The importance of a strong support system cannot be overstated for these mothers, who rely on their loved ones to navigate the challenges they face.
The experiences of these student mothers highlight the broader need for systemic changes in educational institutions. By recognizing and addressing the challenges faced by student mothers, universities can foster a more inclusive and supportive environment, ensuring that these resilient women have the opportunity to thrive both academically and personally.
Editor’s Note: Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for anonymity purposes.
