THE WONDER CALLED FRIENDSHIP
Elizabeth Inda-John
I was 7 years old and in Primary 4 when I heard that my seat mate, swing partner and close friend, Jessica had died. It didn’t make sense to me. “What does that mean?” I asked Miss Beauty, our class tutor. She had tears in her eyes but she didn’t explain, she just rubbed my head. No one was really explaining what it meant for someone to die. Lunch break was strange that day, the gloom of the adults passed to us, we didn’t know why, but we just couldn’t smile or laugh or even, play. I ate my yam and eggs that Mummy had packed. I decided I’ll ask Miss Beauty again. “Good afternoon ma, what does it mean that Jessica is dead? Will she be in school tomorrow?” my tiny and sad voice asked. “No dear, she won’t be, she’s not going to be coming to school again because a car hit her and she went to heaven.” Miss Beauty ended on heavy sobs.
I refused to believe that I won’t see the person who had become my sister anymore, so I left. I went to the playground and sat on our swing, it was ours, it was. I started to cry but I didn’t really know why. I missed my sister already. We were supposed to play and we were supposed to get that candy that had a plastic ring attached to it after school. It didn’t make sense that she wasn’t here. I was supposed to tease her about Lucky, the boy who picked his nose and followed her like a fly. We were supposed to rehearse for our ‘Opomulero’ choreography together after school. I was supposed to tell her of this uncle that touched me yesterday, who would I tell? Mummy didn’t have my time. She was busy nursing our baby and Daddy was always traveling to preach. Who would I talk to? I cried harder. Then I saw her, she was swinging with me and she said “When you cry, you’re ugly.” Laughed and disappeared. I started to panic, where are you? This was not the type of hide and seek we played. Lucky came out and sat where she sat, “I saw her too but no one would believe us. I already tried.” I understood, strange but I understood. No one believed me when I said I saw Aunty Mummy too. After school, I went to her house, it wasn’t far from school. There were so many people and Mama J was in black, she saw me, called out to me, hugged me hard while crying and shaking hard. “You were sisters.” “Yes Mama, we are sisters.” She cried harder. “You won’t see her again forever but she’s here.” She said and pointed at my heart. “Don’t forget o.” I nodded even though I didn’t understand. All that I could hear is, I won’t see her again. I was a smart child, that’s the same thing they said about Aunty Mummy. I don’t know how I got home.
If it ended at not seeing her again, that would have been okay. No one told me that I won’t play for weeks because my playmate had disappeared. No one said I would become a hermit cause my gist partner had died. No one explained that I would find it hard to make friends because I was scared they’d die like Jessica. No one told me that this first heartbreak would last for seven years.
What is it about friendships that make you this vulnerable? What is it about friendships that turn you inside out? What is it about friendships that makes you feel like your world shatters when they end? What is it about friendships that gives you joys unspeakable? Makes you want to do all for this person. Brings out the best and worst in you.
Friendships are the most powerful form of relationships on earth. Having no physical ties but strong emotional bonds. If you’re reading about this and you have a friend, I consider you blessed. You have true treasures in human vessels. Friendships complete us and that’s why a part of me died with Jessica.
Betrayals happen and our trust in others can waver but finding that person that is yours—pure Bliss! The biscuit can’t match (pun intended). Friendships is the purest form of love. Friendships make you healthy, takes you to places. The process of knowing this person inside out, is very enchanting. The best marriages, businesses are built by friends. Little wonder why!
It’s okay to desire this relationship. It’s expected, but it requires intentionality, so much of it. It requires so much forgiveness, selflessness, understanding. So much of putting this person first, so much work. So much alignment. Killing of pride, ego and unnecessary fight for rights. Friendships brings the best of you forward, you only need to be patient and true to yourself.
Yes there are bad friendships, but there are amazing friendships too. Just incase you’re reading this and rolling your eyes, calm down. We’ll talk about getting the best of them later but I hope thus far, I’ve been able to convince you and not confuse you that friendships are the most beautiful things on earth.
