STORY TIME: ELECTION IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
By Olajide Oladokun
Once upon a time in the animal kingdom, the animals were tired of their rulers and decided to choose another set of rulers for themselves. A committee was set up with a representative each from all the clans in the kingdom to see to the smooth running of the selection process. This committee, Animal Kingdom Independent Electoral Committee (AKIEC) would ensure a free and fair election. Preparations began in earnest and the whole kingdom awaited patiently the emergence of their new set of leaders.
Few days after the inauguration of the AKIEC, work began fully, they released the requirements for the election and interested individuals bought the forms. There were nine posts to be filled; a new king was needed, likewise a deputy king, a palace secretary and an assistant, a town crier, a sport coordinator, a social organizer, a tax collector and a keeper of financial records, but interestingly fifteen animals showed interest.
The lion and the tiger had their eyes on the throne while the vixen and the leopardess wanted to assist the king in the palace affairs, the camel and the donkey claimed they have what it takes to be the palace secretary while a juvenile bear and fawn wanted to be their assistant but it was rumored that the growl of the bear intimidated the fawn and she left the village square cajoled. The Koala boasted that when she shouts the king’s message the whole village would hear at once so she should be considered for the post of the town crier.
Majority of the animals claimed to be agile and fit enough to be the sport director but the hare, the cheetah and the marlin were confident enough to make their interest public while the peacock was the only one interested in being the social organizer. The ant said he is the only animal known to save for raining days hence should be in charge of the treasury while the rat promised not to eat the financial record books, he’ll be a good financial secretary.
AKIEC decided to screen all the aspirants to check their abilities and capabilities and it was discovered that the rat was not as capable as claimed hence he was given a red card but the rat won’t give up easily, he bought the form again and stepped up his game, surprisingly he was able to win the heart of the electoral committee and he was back in the race. The ant also failed to impress the committee but was also pardoned after he re-strategized. The koala’s voice wasn’t loud enough hence she was sent to undergo some voice training unfortunately when she came back, the squirrel had joined the race thus being more competitive.
The parrot known for its inquisitiveness decided to question all the animals that indicated interest, just to be sure the kingdom will be in good hands and so the whole animal kingdom would vote the right candidate based on what they will bring to the table. The tiger who was a greenhorn in palace affairs although a champion in his domain was able to outshine the lion that has been part of the royal family and was well accustomed to the selection process. It was a close tie between the vixen and the leopardess as they both lock horns trying to make the parrot see their prowess. The juvenile bear could pass for a clown, first, he denied intimidating his co-aspirant to step down.
Next, he confessed not knowing how to use a comma, too much for an assistant secretary, right? Well, the animal kingdom is a funny place to be. The training which Koala was sent to eventually paid off as she came back better and stronger to beat the newbie squirrel in parrot’s book. It was déjà vu for the cat and the rat as they still didn’t learn from their mistakes, perhaps AKIEC was gracious with them as they did worse with the parrot’s question or maybe the parrot was more intelligent than AKIEC.
The camel was not around to answer the parrot’s question so the donkey stole the show and won the parrot’s heart. Of all the three animals vying for the post of sports coordinator, the cheetah was not only the fastest but also the most politically inclined, he got a public endorsement from his local community and he made it known in the kingdom forum.
AKIEC, in a bid to further make the electorate vote wisely decided to organize a manifesto night where all the animals can gather and hear from the aspirants. Animals converged at the kingdom’s market square to hear their favourite aspirants speak but unfortunately, the rat and the cat made a fool of themselves once again, three times in a row. It was a show of popularity between the lion and the tiger, the supporters of both animals just won’t stop screaming. Worthy to note is that, while some animals were in support of the tiger because of his supposed academic prowess, others were in because of his good looks, after all a tiger doesn’t proclaim its tigritude. The lion however made use of his current post in the current administration to get supporters as many hailed and gave him their love because of his recent achievements. To this end, we can rightly say the supports given to both the lion and the tiger were based on sentiments and not what they have to offer, this to animals is democracy.
Anyways, at the end of the manifesto night, two things happened. First, the animals have made up their minds on who to cast or sell their votes to. Second, lion’s campaign banner had been stolen.
Finally, after seven weeks of rigorous campaigns, the most anticipated day in the animal kingdom came, Election Day.
AKIEC had earlier announced that the selection process will begin at 10 am, but it began at exactly 11:29 am Animal Kingdom Time(AKT), according to the chairman of the electoral body, the delay was due to glitches in setting up the gadgets to be used for the election. Unfortunately, half of the laptops that took ages to set up suddenly broke down just one hour into the election, consequently, the slow process became slower and the animals were made to stand on long queues. Some animals went to find somewhere to sit while the ardent ones stood in solidarity with the end in mind, despite the harshness of the sun. Their patient was put to test when the computers broke down again and the election halted; at this point even the ardent supporters started wavering. Desperate aspirants and their supporters alike utilized the opportunity to engage in 11th hour campaign, an action that violates the guidelines of the election; the electoral committee had stated earlier that all forms of campaign should stop the previous night but this rule was flouted over and over again by recalcitrant aspirants.
At some points, AKIEC was accused of disenfranchising some electorate as their names were not included in the 1,382 names of eligible voters. The chairman of the electoral body however rebuffed the accusation, he explained that any omission is due to late payment of dues and this could be salvaged by tendering the receipt or an attestation letter duly signed by the financial secretary of the animal kingdom. The election continued at an epileptic pace as the available manpower and gadget could not serve the population of animals present to cast their votes and some of the animals left for their various huts and holes as they felt they were at the receiving end of others negligence.
About three hours to the end of the election, AKIEC came up with another strategy presumed to be faster and more effective but in the long run, it proved futile and the animals started airing their grievances. The king of the animal kingdom intervened and pleaded his subjects to bear with the electoral body as the issue at hand was beyond their control. However, pandemonium erupted and the animals demanded that the election be cancelled.
The king tried to pacify them but they were bent on sticking to their will, they further blamed the failure of the whole process on the introduction of foreign culture into the system and therefore demanded that the traditional ballot system be reinstated. The king then called for a congress and this annoyed higher authorities and there were speculations that the king and his cabinets will face the wrath of these higher authorities, together with the electoral committee.
At the end, tortoise sullenly went home without his beloved Yanibo, the pig left without finding the lost grinding stone and the chimpanzee had to reserve his palm wine for another day.
