10 TYPES OF STUDENTS WHO RESUMED AFTER THE STRIKE

0

By Eniola Awolesi

Proceed with caution!!! That is the only warning I will give you. If you don’t find your category on the list, then you are automatically being held by Sapa. We don’t deal with such people, please. Thank you. 

1. ALL MY GUYS, THE BALLERS

Because they now have cars and want everybody to know, they have turned their car key into rings. 

Where is Bayo?

Oh, he’s in his car. 

Who you wan oppress? Please, leave the faculty for us since it is money you now want to be counting.

2. SEGUN MECHO

By their dressing, you shall know them. Upcoming yahoo boys. The only problem is that their yahoo is not yahooing, crypto is not cryptoing, bitcoin is coining out their lives. Àfi sùúrù.

3. BALLCHANICS

There is no other name to call them. One day they are rich, the next day, they are in rags, and it all happens so quickly. Keep grinding, sha. The hustle go pay one day.

4. MISTER MAN AND SHAWTY

Olópàá ma kó everybody, if any of them should touch me with that bastard love that they are doing. Someone that did not call you for eight months. His phone lost? No worry, e go soon lost you too. 

5. THE “…KIDS”

These ones are everything except the adjectives with which they are qualified. Their delight is in confusing others. 

Rich kid? They come from the trenches. 

Pretty kid? You go vomit.

Brilliant kid? Lee ma wu. Make we no cast them.

Poor kid? Na them be ballers.

We are not giving them a picture. Awn! Pictureless kids.

6. THE COMRADES

Na dem sure pass! Ain’t nobody surer than them. They are just the way we left them eight months ago, just a lirru fatter. If comrade was a person, na them. 

You do well!

7.  THE COURSE REPS

The first thing you should know about them; they are NOT the course reps. Course rep sef don taya for their matter. 

Sir, you gave us an assignment before the strike. 

When is our next class? 

When are we having our first C.A? I’ve eaten all the course materials, and I’m now solving last questions.

They are ITKs, but you better clinch to them. They are the only ones that can help your brain. A word is enough for the wise. 

8. MY HEAD IS DRY

Academically, these ones are in grave danger. Someone said they deleted their course materials to collect “Alchemy of Souls”, and now their souls are in danger. No truer words.

On the brighter side… There is no brighter side. It is finished!

9. YOU DIDN’T CHECK UP ON ME

These ones deserve to write their examination in the first week of November. They deserve severe pain. Maybe their heads will become correct. 

They will now add, “I sha miss you, sha.” 

You will go missing ni. Onye’ala! Ebe achi!! Òpònú!!!

10. QUEEN MOTHER

Before the strike, nobody knew them. Nobody was aware of their existence; they were not even alive. 

Suddenly, after ASUU dropped the call, these ones called back. They now have the whole of AFAS in their hands. Short slit skirts, big bumbum, bigger hair, and earrings, matched with a pair of boots. 

Now, they shake bumbum and distract us. ASUU, you do this one.

11. OTILOR

I know I said ten, but sope otilo first. Good! These ones are in two categories:

i. The ones that actually japa. Either to the habroad or private uni. Awn! Lucky kids.

ii. These ones were about to japa when ASUU called off the strike. Now they are angry with everyone. Their eyes are always red. No near them. 

Again, sope otilor.

12. THE SIMPS

I know this is now overdo, but we cannot ignore these ones. I was in Tedder cafeteria jeje, and I saw one broda buying rice, meat, chicken, ponmo, fish, plantain, spaghetti, and drink for some ladies. This man bought only bread and water for himself. 

See, I’m already short, but I’m short of words. 

All these students, and then there’s me, telling you about them. If e sure for you sey there’s more, just keep it in your pocket. Nobody asked you. Thainz!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *