Top Items You Must Have in your Wardrobe as an AFASITE (PART 1)

Eniola Awolesi

My eyes don red, but I can’t just start without greeting my Ronaldo GOATers. Well-done o. Na only you I see for this AFAS. Baba gbe won l’handicap; he turned their goat to isi ewu. At least, enjoy the pepper soup. Sorry ehn. Sha don’t carry your vex reach my side, becurzzz my head get mercy (Messi). Big purrrrrr!

Anyway, AFAS is all about survival of the fittest, and for people like us that have cracked the code, we just need to have mercy on you civilians. Follow me closely on the compulsory items you must have in your wardrobe as an AFASite.

This is part one; I want to help you, but I can’t kill myself. If you like, don’t hear, wind of change go just carry you dey go.

1. CROCS
Let me say it again and again: CROCS! CROCS!! CROCS!!! You’re an AFASite and you don’t have crocs ke? Are you playing? What type of playing is that?

In fact, half of your wardrobe should be filled with crocs. You didn’t ask, but I’ll tell you why? Crocs dey balance everybody. You won’t know the difference between those held by sapa and the ballers. If you now want to finish it patapata, buy the ones with clip on top. My dear, it will be a balablu.

Sha have sense and choose wise colors. If you like, go and buy green and co crocs instead of black and neutral colors. You want to wear green under purple gown. Stay wise; wisdom is profitable to direct.

2. SUNGLASSES

I know I talked about AFASites wearing too much glasses, but this one does not count. It has sun in front. I did not send you to now go and buy sunglasses for blind people o. Let’s respect them and not make the prices go up by dragging it with them. Na so Olori Pablo do for bum shorts; now I cut jeans and swag along.

Save money. At least #100 everyday go buy sunglasses 4k-5k to wapa gidi gan. Omo olodun! Just yerawo because, you go choke them.

You can even monitor your enemies without them knowing. In this life, ensure you walk with people that have sense like me. I just don’t like to brag. If not ehn…

3. TOTE BAG

If you want to start following all these ritualists to buy belt bag, satchel, cinch bag, fanny pack, wristlet, cross body, sling bag, shey you see, na depression go just kee you. Chest rig sef dey. One broda in AFAS, I use name to cover his secret, almost gave me depression. He never carries the same bag twice.

However, ever since I found the tote bag hack, blood pressure mi ti normalize. If you now want to do overraw best, don’t buy all these ordinary ones, dem go quick tear. Look for correct vendor to give you one tote bag variant, con add oyinbo name to spice it up. You can’t spend 5k finish. You go slay so tey, it’s the bag that will throw you away.

4. PERFUME AND OILS
Odouryewu! Your account balance is smelling, your body now joined in mourning and took it personal.

I know it’s only clothes and shoes and bags you were expecting, but try dey smell nice. It’s a fruit of the spirit. In fact, if you want me to continue this list, spray perfume as you’re reading. Tell me why a couple almost choked me inside keke with their locust beans smell. I had to drop at Queen’s Hall, make my breath no go hold me. God when, but I no want this type, biko.

Find a perfume vendor that can curate sweet combo for you. Sweet tip, men perfumes have stronger scent, e go last. Nobody will know, except perfume savvy ones like me. You don’t need to thank me, I’m just doing my own for God.

5. LIPGLOSS
I don’t know why AFAS people are like this. Out of the abundance of my heart, I want to help you, you’re still going ahead of yourself. If you bring that Absolute out, I will shoot you gun. I said lipgloss, I didn’t say shoemaker gum.

Let me tell you, this world is packaging. Lip care is fast becoming a self-care and trust me, you will find vendors everywhere. Let them give you classy wands and squeeze tubes. Ensure you ask for the one with strawberry smell so that everyone can turn to look at you as you open your gloss.

Oga Bernard, why did you stop reading? Let me tell you, it is because of your lips that Sade is running away from you. Lip care is for men, too. Make we no dey kiss cardboard. Abasi mi mbok!

These ones don do for the week, I wan go read. Make e no be like say I slay in AFAS, my books con slay me. First class is the goal.

As I close the first chapter, those of you that don’t have wardrobe, please don’t stress me. You know how to read. I clearly said wardrobe. Just carry your Ghana-must-go and continue your journey of life. And if you like, you can add wardrobe to the list of things you want for Christmas, na you know that one. Thainz!