Baba U&I’s House of Commotion: A Satire

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Sakeenah Kareem 

When you discipline with the right hand, you embrace with the left, says a Yorùbá adage

But in the polygamous home of Baba U and I, you get disciplined by the right and still get extra disciplined by the left.

There lived a wealthy patriarch known as Baba U&I, with his three wives: Mama Union, Mama Pressure, and Mama Indifference. Each wife with their peculiar children, and Baba U&I’s household was never short of drama. He was called Baba U& I because his home was welcome to both friends and strangers, biological and adopted children and then, he’d say, there’s enough room for you and I. 

Mama Union, the elegant and refined first wife, was the mother of the eldest children. Su and his siblings were the eldest and most responsible. They were often making decisions for the entire household. Mama Union’s children were known for their diplomacy and negotiation skills, but sometimes their actions benefited only themselves.

Mama Pressure, the fiery and outspoken second wife, was the mother of the children that ignited the flames of resistance in the household. Mama Pressure’s offspring were a feisty bunch, never backing down from a fight for what they believed in. They were always at odds with Mama Union’s children. While their conviction was admirable, their approach was sometimes extreme.

Mama Indifference, the laid-back and carefree third wife, was the mother of the indifferent ones, who were too small to care about the household’s politics. They relied on their older siblings for support and were accustomed to accepting things as they were. Despite how plentiful they are, they are all Baba U&I’s favorites. 

Baba U&I, once a respected figure, had become a shadow of his former self. He now relied on his wives and children to feed the family. And every now and then, he had new demands.  and then the wives and children would often complain but he would just shrug and say, “ No be my fault, na Olori-Ebi no support me again”.  

One day, Baba U&I announced that he could no longer afford to feed his children, citing Olori-Ebi’s withdrawal of support. His always-opened door was now going to be selective. He now demanded money for food and expected his children to bear the brunt.  Mama Union’s kids pleaded with him to reconsider, but Mama Pressure’s crew was all, “Nah, we’re good. We’ll just protest and make a scene.” And Mama Indifference’s large tribe? They just shrugged and said, “Meh, whatever.”

Baba U&I, tired of the noise, called a meeting with Mama Union’s children, and offered them three-weeks to hustle for the money or face starvation and even worse, disowning. Mama Union’s children begged for mercy, but Mama Pressure’s children shouted, “We will not pay!”

Meanwhile, Baba U&I spent lavishly on aso ebi, parties, and other extravagances, but neglected his children’s wellbeing. As the three weeks passed, the children suffered, and the wives argued among themselves. Mama Union’s children tried to negotiate with Baba U&I, but he refused to budge. Mama Pressure’s children continued to protest, while Mama Indifference’s children just shrugged and accepted their fate.

The children began to wonder if Baba U&I’s household was a place of growing or a place of suffering. They remembered the good old days when Baba U&I’s father was in charge, and provided for the family effortlessly. One of the children asked, “Baba U&I, why do you treat us like this? Don’t you remember how your father treated you with kindness and respect?” Baba U&I scowled and said, “My father’s time is not our time. We must adapt to the new reality.”

Upon realizing that Baba U&I won’t change his stance, the Mama indifference kids resorted to begging. Mama Union’s kids whom others looked up to for help couldn’t do much. However, Mama Pressure kids never backed down and kept agitating for their beliefs. 

In the end, the children returned to the household, hungry and tired, but with the money for food. Baba U&I smiled and said, “Welcome back, my children. Now, let’s eat. But even when they paid the increased money, the children saw no difference. They ate crumbs in a dining hall with no furniture. 

And so, the drama continued in Baba U&I’s household, where the wives vied for attention, the kids suffered, and Baba U&I…well, Baba U&I just kept on being Baba U&I.

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